About

Being a mom is a tough enough job but add to it a host of other serious challenges such as; neurodevelopment disabilities, ridiculously impossible food allergies, auto-immune diseases and gawd almighty, the job’s overwhelming and impossible sometimes!Perfuct Mom started out as a funny truth-telling story (maybe a confessional) to a good friend of mine. My friend said, “You know, you should write a book.” So that’s when I began sharing my stories and my anecdotal writing with other moms. It was incredibly cathartic!

What I found in sharing some of my deepest, seemingly darkest moments, was that I was not alone. Whether we are moms to typical or special needs children, we all have our less than stellar mommy-moments. And if you don’t resonate with this and you are enjoying a perfect experience with perfect children and a perfect life, this blog is not your scene. However, if you screw up, do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, feel unkind things once in a while toward your spouse or children, then you’re going to feel at-home here.

Sharing my Perfuct Mom stories with other moms gives me a delicious vehicle for connection to other imperfect mothers. I love honest writing and my favorite mommy blogs have always been the ones that made me feel safe, held, and somewhat-normal in my “scary thoughts” or my less than Polly Anna positive thinking about my children.

I don’t have to say awesome things all the time to be a “good” person. I also occasionally indulge in a sip of self-deprication once in awhile and still get the giggles when someone farts during yoga class.

Bottom-line, we can be free. Free to laugh. Free to not judge ourselves or other moms. Free to not have all the answers. Free to have thoughts. I have thoughts without trying to even think…they’re not who I Am.

I can laugh at my unconsciousness and my life situation and feel lighter through the application of humor. I used to berate myself for my inability to stay present and consciously connected and do “it” perfectly.

I used to wrestle my less than perfect, lower vibrational thoughts….until I just observed them and their insanity began to make me laugh. They were entertaining because I’m aware of who I Am and these thoughts are just thoughts. When they entertain me and I cease to attach to them, they lose their power over me to make me feel bad about myself or depressed about my life situation. The delusion is believing our thoughts to be who we are. When I questioned my thoughts I became free…and I found my laughter…my joy…I found the peace that passes all understanding.

The truth is, I’m not always present in the here and now and I’m not always vigilant in my consciousness as a spiritually aware being. Sometimes when I’m alone and not a child in the house or within earshot, (because if they heard me they might possibly sustain irreparable psychological damage), I say curse words. It’s true. Very bad words.

Words like “shit” “fuckety” and “dammit!”

In that moment I feel positively evil, mean and unfit to parent…mixed with an eerie pleasure and delight as some invisible steam’s released from my pressure cooker life. Naughty mommy!

In all seriousness, I am a deeply spiritual being and I do think that my extreme parenting challenges bring me to my knees. Minute-by-minute. If you know suffering then I think you and I have a very genuine and authentic connection between us. You and I can share a knowing “wink” between us. You “get” me and I “get” you and we can share a laugh here.

There is a rawness, a humility, and a tender frailty that is revealed when we realize that we can’t be perfect, we can’t fix the boo boos all the time.

Our greatest suffering, our overwhelming challenges can either burn us out completely or point us in the way of forgiveness and redemption. We have a choice. I choose to find the humor in the insane, mundane, ridiculous knee-jerk reactions and the fascinating monkey-mind.

I’m not a bad mom (even though sometimes I feel like one), and you’re not a bad mom (even when you think you are). We are doing the best we can with what we have in each moment. Some moments we have more coping skills than in other moments (like when we are sleep deprived). But always we can bring an open nonjudgemental attitude to ourselves and find humor in our bad behavior or the bad behavior of our children.

In the end if we can accept ourselves for all the we are and all that we are not…we can accept our children for who they are without judgement. We are not broken, they are not broken, so no one needs fixing…we all just need love, acceptance and support.

Perfuct Mom is a way to vent, laugh, blow off a little steam and just share in the sacredness contained within this walk as a spiritual being living an incredibly imperfect human life.

In my life the human-part is the most outrageously hilarious. Do we allow ourselves to be human as mothers? Is it okay to make mistakes? Can we give ourselves permission to be imperfect?

Perfuct Mom is my own creative, self-expression, no-holds-barred, full licensure to “be” and embrace whatever shows up. Even when its shitfucketydammit!